<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>lights are on (but nobody's home) by divyasoup</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24801298">lights are on (but nobody's home)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/divyasoup/pseuds/divyasoup'>divyasoup</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>twilight [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Twilight Series - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/F, One Shot, Unhappy Ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 00:48:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,123</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24801298</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/divyasoup/pseuds/divyasoup</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Bella could wait, but only for so long. How short her life was, compared to the immortality of her friends. But Alice didn't seem to care.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alice Cullen &amp; Bella Swan, Alice Cullen/Bella Swan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>twilight [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1795699</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>lights are on (but nobody's home)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I haven't published or really written any fics in six years, and I also wrote this while listening to sad music, so expect what you will. Only minimal editing, not beta read.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first thing Bella had noticed when the Cullen’s moved back was that Alice seemed determined to be Bella’s closest friend. She remained with Bella as much as possible. Bella wasn’t sure why Alice was spending so much time with her, probably because she thought Bella was actually suicidal after seeing the vision of her cliff-diving.</p><p>She wasn’t suicidal, just a little bit sad. Even though the Cullen’s had moved back, Bella hadn’t been interested in reconciling her relationship with Edward. She still loved him, but not like she had. The warmth of the love was gone, leaving behind a cold she couldn’t avoid. She had tried to fill it with other things, other people, while he’d been gone, but Jacob couldn’t bear to be around her anymore, not while she was around them.</p><p>Bella still needed to be with the Cullens, though. She couldn’t bear being without them, those six months had been awful as it was. She was lucky that Alice gave her the time of day. Alice was so much more of a friend then Bella could have wished for, giving Bella the will to get better from whatever flunk she was in. </p><p>She came by a lot, at least four nights a week, and then sometimes after school as well. Charlie didn’t hate her like he did Edward. He assumed Edward was the worst person towards Bella’s psyche. Bella couldn’t exactly disagree with him, although he wasn’t the Cullen causing her the most pain.. From Charlie’s perspective, he caused her irreparable damage. She was still grounded from going to Italy to save him.</p><p>But being around him was awful. Not because it hurt her, but because of the immense guilt that didn’t seem to go anywhere. Because when she was around him, she could feel his sadness coming off of him in waves, and all she wanted to do was go hide under her covers. He was the one hurting now, but Bella had already grieved. Had already decided she didn’t want to grieve anymore. </p><p>Alice understood. She didn’t seem to hold it against Bella at all. After all, Alice had Jasper, they were perfect. They fit together so seamlessly, in a way that spoke of years of experience. Bella had thought that maybe she and Edward could be the same, if she spent years with him too, but he left. He left and Alice was the only one who came back to get her. To make sure she was okay. But Alice loved Jasper.</p><p>Bella could wait, but only for so long. How short her life was, compared to the immortality of her friends. How small she must seem to them. How irrelevant. A sad pest who won’t go away, even after the breakup. But Alice didn’t seem to care. She, even still, reached out to Bella. </p><p>Not for the first time, nor the last, Bella was eternally grateful Edward couldn’t read her thoughts. He would only hear intense guilt. How horrible was she, to fall in love with his sister? To break his heart, his immortal heart, then break her own? How pathetic and useless she would seem. </p><p>But how could she feel so guilty, when Alice came by, and lifted her entire soul into the heavens. When Alice smiled and Bella felt like she could breathe and couldn’t breathe all together. When she laughed and Bella’s heart swelled. Was it so wrong to fall in love? </p><p>When she was around Jasper, the pain would return, and he would graciously alleviate it. Then the guilt would return. How dare she rely on him when she was treating him so horribly? When she was taking up Alice’s time so completely and wanting her as she did, knowing full well nothing would be returned.</p><p>Maybe she and Edward could wallow together.</p><p>And then Esme and Carlisle, who still welcomed her to their home with open arms, offering her warmth and love she didn’t deserve. Never holding Edward’s unhappiness against her. The guilt would return when she realized Edward was never there. Could probably tell that she was coming and would disappear. She couldn’t listen to Clair de Lune anymore. </p><p>Instead Louis Armstrong and Bessie Smith filled her ears, the music burned into CDs, and played as she daydreamed. Alice’s recommendations. Then Billie Holiday and The Beach Boys. All because of Alice. </p><p>And she filled herself with Alice, letting herself be dragged on shopping trips at Port Angeles, letting Alice take her to various high-end restaurants, letting Alice buy her copies of <em> Romeo and Juliet </em>. Letting Alice consume her until there was nothing else. Leaving the old Bella behind.</p><p>Charlie had been elated. Had decided that Alice was the best thing to ever happen to Bella. In secret, Bella agreed. Alice lifted her up so high, but seeing Jasper, hearing Alice talk about him, dropped her back down.</p><p>Alice, perceptive as she was, had already picked up on that. Had thought it was because of my last birthday party, where he’d gotten out of control. Had limited her talking of him to a sentence once in a while. There was no hope. There was never any hope. So long as she lived, Alice’s heart would belong to Jasper. </p><p>Edward’s words bounced around in Bella’s mind. How he’d always bet on Alice. Her visions, painfully accurate, would never see any change in her relationship with Jasper. Bella would always be on the sidelines. Besides, Bella’s guilt would always outweigh everything else. She could never tell Alice. </p><p>Alice wouldn’t even remain in Bella’s life for much longer. She had to move away, restart her life. The Cullens had already been in Forks for some time. They would be moving on soon, almost did earlier that year. Would have stayed away, had Bella not been falling apart at the seams.</p><p>It would have been okay if Bella hadn’t interfered. Hadn’t selfishly decided she needed them. Had stayed away from Edward.</p><p>---</p><p>“Bella…” Alice said. Her tone was sad, Bella already knew what was coming.</p><p>“I know.” Bella smiled, it was watery. “It’s okay. We knew it would happen.”</p><p>“I’m sorry we’re leaving.” Alice cupped Bella’s face lightly with one hand, and Bella leaned into the cool palm. “If only we could take you with us…”</p><p>“If only.” </p><p>Alice was joking. She and Bella knew that it wasn’t possible. Bella was twenty-two now. Still painfully human. Still painfully in love with Alice. Alice had convinced the Cullens to stay for far too long, simply for her sake. </p><p>“I love you.” Bella said, knowing Alice would never know how deeply that love ran. Alice’s face was crestfallen. “No crying, okay? You’ll just have to visit me.”</p><p>Alice had smiled and agreed.</p><p>Bella never saw her again.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>